Today, I finally saw a picture of Lady Gaga’s boyfriend of
about one year, Taylor Kinney. Taylor Kinney of Shameless and The Vampire
Diaries fame is one hot piece of…vampire. In other words, WHAT IS HE DOING
WITH LADY GAGA. In case you don't know what he looks like, here he is in all his shirtless glory. Now, I understand that Lady G is not necessarily as
unattractive as her award show and performance persona would lead us to believe
but I stand by my opinion on this.
—
The other night I watched the Women’s Gymnastics Vault
finals of the Thirtieth Olympiad. The American gymnast who competed in this
event was brought to the team specifically for her ability to nail this
apparatus with nothing less than perfect form and execution. I’m not pretending
to be a gymnastics aficionado here, but it seems to me that SITTING DOWN after
the dismount is not necessarily the way to go if you want to win.
However, I don’t fault Ms. Maroney for this. Instead, I
blame the commentators. If you were watching you know that right before she was
set to perform her signature event, the announcers decided it would be a good
idea to tell the world that she was, NO MATTER WHAT, a virtual lock for the
gold medal. In essence, they gave her the Malocchio. It’s not her fault THEY
JINXED HER. If I were you, MaKayla, I’d ask for a refund. And I’d also smile a
bit after winning that Silver Medal.
—
I managed to spare a few minutes today to listen to former
“16 and Pregnant” and “Teen Mom” star Farrah Abraham’s new song. And then I
decided - against my better judgement - to read the first three pages of her
forthcoming memoir that I came across online. As an aspiring writer I have to
say this: her - or, more accurately, her ghostwriter - has a long way to go to
make this book even remotely readable. Too bad it’s release date is IN A FEW
DAYS. I won’t dare to quote anything directly for fear of making anyone reading
this want to GAUGE THEIR EYEBALLS OUT. I’m not about violence, people. But I
note that this book makes me want to, plainly speaking, give up on this planet.
If I were to write a review on this book, all it would say is “No.” No other
words are necessary.
If you’re curious about her song, a friend of mine at work
told me that whoever produced this monstrosity (and by produced I of course
mean auto-tuned), “auto-tuned her to the wrong notes because she was so
off-pitch.” This from a composition major and music teacher. If you still want
to listen to it, be my guest, but you’ll be wishing you were deaf afterward. Find it here, courtesy of Jezebel.com.
No comments:
Post a Comment