What better way to start your day than with this little muffin? I watch this five-second video every morning without fail. If you don’t think this is funny, then you have no soul.

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Alright, today I had a revelation while surfing Pinterest:

Scott Disick should have his own television show—and his own Pinterest category. Turns out he’s just HILARIOUS. Anyone who is that passionate about a cane and a top hat is alright with me. If you don’t believe me, Google some of his quotes, search him on Pinterest or YouTube or something. I promise you will be a fan in about as long as it takes to laugh at the very first thing that comes out of his mouth.

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Let’s get down to business: aka my Olympics commentary of the day, of which I will never tire of providing even after the Olympics are over. Except for the week of August 12th, because that’s Shark Week and I consider that a holiday better than the likes of Christmas or my birthday.

Anyway, Ryan Lochte is a moron. I saw this video about a week ago and have not stopped showing it to every single person I have spoken to since then. It’s not necessarily a surprise that someone who looks like he does (HAVE YOU SEEN HIS BODY?!) and who is as good a swimmer as he is (HAVE YOU SEEN HIS BODY?!) would not necessarily be the best at interviews, seeing as he spends most of the time practicing his stroke and LOOKING LIKE HE DOES. 

However, at least Michael Phelps had the decency to realize that maybe he would have to open his mouth at some point and got himself some media training. Even the smartest person can let the camera intimidate them, but it couldn’t be more obvious (after a little research) that Ryan Lochte isn’t just bad at being in front of a camera. He’s just bad at life. He is, without a doubt, one of the dumbest people I have ever heard speak. And that is REALLY saying something, considering the people I know. Read these little tidbits in in his deep, surfer- boy voice and try not to throw up in your mouth before you’re finished.

“What defines me…Ryan Lochte”

“I can’t wait for swimming to be over so I can go to the market or something”

“The best part about swimming…is racing”

There are many, many other gems that once you hear you will never look at him the same way again. Unless he’s shirtless, in which case, HAVE YOU SEEN HIS BODY?!

In other news, Taylor Kitsch. And this cat: