That time a man ate an actual leaf

Today I saw a man pick a leaf off of a tree and nibble on it. Just like that. He plucked that little green leaf off of a low-lying branch and took a bite in broad daylight on a busy street in the middle of Washington DC. It was horrifying and ridiculous and just...totally unbelievable. It took me a few seconds to actually acclimate what I KNEW I saw with the normal constraints of society. I know leafy greens are a normal part of a healthy diet, but I think this is taking it a little too far.

Not quite the same as falls from a tree.

So after watching this guy chown down on nature, I got to thinking. We eat weird crap all the time and call it food, so why not greenery? I have compiled a list of what I think are the weirdest foods people all over the world consume. Beware: if you haven't already eaten lunch, you may not want to after some of these.

1 – Puffer fish, Japan

• This is the deadly delicacy that can only be prepared by specialized chefs because, well, IT'S DEADLY AND POISONOUS. Game, set, match.

2 – Live Octopus, Korea 

• Cut into pieces WHILE IT IS STILL ALIVE. And then you consume it WHILE IT IS STILL ALIVE. How can people eat this without thinking of a live octopus crawling around in their stomach and reproducing. Ew. I can't. 

3 – Codfish Sperm, various parts of Asia  

• There are just no words. 

4 – Grasshoppers, Oaxaca, Mexico

• Just...why would you eat bugs? Why. WHY.

5 – Fried bat, Thailand

• People over the world run screaming from these creatures, so why would you put one in your mouth?

I'm not actively trying to make fun of anyone's culture here, but the idea that there are people who enjoy fried tarantula (I can't even type the word tarantula without shuddering) and half-fertilized duck egg makes me slightly ill. We do some weird shit here in America, but still. Raw herring. I can't. One time my boyfriend ate ox testicle in Africa. Just sit with that for a minute.

 

To be fair, here in America we eat chocolate covered bacon, fried pickles and alligator, so we're not really able to talk about weird cuisine.

 

My thoughts as I accidentally consume Roe or some type of fish egg while trying to eat sushi

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In other news, I would like Morgan Freeman to narrate my life.

Well played, sir, well played. You are a genius and I will re-tweet this for forever and ever.