Monday, August 20, 2012

50 shades of that is never going to happen

You know what I want right now more than anything else in this world? For someone to set Todd Akin loose in a room full of pro-choice women wielding stones. This article in Jezebel says everything else that is necessary on this matter.

A few months ago--like every other female between the ages of 18 and dead in this country--I read the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy (in two days). While I was underwhelmed by the writing style and all of the English-major type stuff that I should have been outraged about (HE SPANKS HER?! DEAR GOD. Her inner goddess? Please. Horrible narrative voice, etc), what rankled me the most was the idea of Christian and Anna as a couple. [Let's not confuse the following with the idea that I hated the books--I, in fact, loved them. LOVED, people. LOVED.]

I'm sure there are girls everywhere stumbling into the offices of the nearest Fortune 500 company just hoping to catch the interest of a stunning-yet-troubled CEO who will fall in love with them in the first three minutes of conversation. That is, if they're not kicked out for trespassing or disappointed by the fact that the CEO they found is most likely a 60-year old man. I don't care if you're a not-so-skinny brunette like Anastasia, it is never going to happen for you.

It is entirely possible to read this book and then go back to your normal, every day life with no fantasy or notion that this will one day be you. And then there are the women who think that this can be their life. You know what I think about that? It's never going to happen. Kate Middleton married a Prince and you don't see every brunette ever thinking they, too, can be a Princess like her. 

Let's keep calm and disavow the entire world of this notion right now. Also, if they cast Kristen Stewart in the movie I am going to go absolutely-fantastically-legitimately-NUTSO.

I will also go into hiding when the clothing line comes out. Taking it a little too far, don't you think?

Later, when I'm done LOLing and dropping my taco, there will be a post about FACEBOOK DRAMZ. Stay tuned for that because you, too, can LSHIDMT. Laugh so hard I drop my taco, for those not in the know.

Also, Betty White is my hero. I challenge someone not to laugh at this. LSHIDMT.

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